Where the Hurt is
by peace1089
Summary: I'm not as strong as I act. I blame myself for his departure and waste away in the confines of my home. Whether he leaves my thoughts or not has never been up to me.
1. Chapter 1

"Goodbye." as a word that haunts me. It grinds into my head at night and tears at my heart during the day. It tunnels out my soul and has left me a hollow shell. I didn't think it was possible to feel this way.  
I jumped at the buzz of my phone on my chest- dashing my thoughts away. I didn't bother checking the ID, although in hindsight I know I should have.  
"This is Korra."  
"Hey.." a timid guy says. I swallowed hard.  
"What's up, Bolin?" I tried to sound as casual as possible.  
"Ah, you know... not much." His awkward voice filtered through the speaker on my phone. "How've ya been?" he asked, trying not to get yelled at. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. Then I stop. And I glare at my traitorous hands.  
"Fine, I guess. So let's not screw around. Why did you call me?" I put the bullshit to an end immediately and cut right to the chase. Rip it off like a band-aid. I've been waiting for this call for a full week. I already knew what Bolin was going to say and I knew I wasn't going to like it.  
"Um... Okay, well, Korra, you're not gonna, um, like it," he shys away.  
"Just get it over with," I groan. He sighs and deadpans-  
"He and Asami got together. The day after he broke up with you. And I've been a chicken and have been working up the courage since he told me to tell you. I'm sorry-" he starts crying and rambling. I start talking to put him out of his misery.  
"I know, Bolin. But thanks for calling. I'll, um, see you when it's safe to go around your house. Tell me when the two fishes are gone. We'll, uh, watch sappy movies and eat tubs of ice cream."  
"Really?" he sniffs, sounding every bit the little kid he was.  
"Yeah. But I gotta go now. Call whenever they're gone for at least five hours and I'll dig up the cheesiest movies I have. Have a good day."  
"You too," he says, a little cheerier than before he called. I press the end button and set my phone down on my bed next to me.

I close my eyes and rub them- once, twice, more and more while the tears start flowing all over again. I sit up and start balling my eyes out- anger and sadness digging through my every atom. I hug my knees and hide my eyes into the tops of them, starting to form a safety bubble of water around me. As if it could help. Shields only protect you from the outside in. Stupid, Korra, stupid.. Fury rips though me and I turn the water into steam with the fire seeping out of my pores. I scream out, the tears turning into steam the moment they hit my skin. I keep sobbing, starting to curl back into my ball, my inner fire receding like the tide. It's my fault... I think to myself. I will never have him back, and it's all my fault. My inner fire rages that it's not- giving me flashes of all our arguments. I shove them down, tampering them down with images of me- in front of the mirror, nude, my hair down and tanned shoulders hunched over. Your fault. Asami's pretty. Of course he wanted her back.

I step into my bathroom, stripping down to pick out my every little flaw. I pinch my fat and poke at my flabby arms and legs. I run a finger down every scar, counting 37 of them. I brush my fingers through my limp hair and touch my ugly face. I sigh in discontent. Maybe he would have wanted you if you were as pretty as Asami. Maybe if you were as skinny and delicate as her.

I didn't know it at the time, but my whole life was changed in that moment. It started slowly. Bolin mocked me for eating "half-fat" ice cream  
"Tryin to watch your waist?" he joked, elbowing me playfully in the ribs.  
"No," I protested, elbowing him back. "It was either this or that crappy ice cream you like so much." He laughed, happy that I was acting like myself again.  
I skipped out on Thanksgiving for two reasons- I didn't want to eat all the fatty foods and... I didn' want to see... Mako. Especially not Mako and Asami together. Besides, what do I have to be grateful for?

Asami sent me a few texts over the past few weeks. They tapered off after she realized I wouldn't reply. At first they were apologetic- "I'm sorry everything turned out like this," "I wanna be friends again, Korra," and my personal favourite, "Mako and I miss your company." But then, they turned nasty. "He was mine first anyway," "You were too masculine to be with him," and "I'm prettier, smarter, and nicer than you. Why wouldn't he want me?" accompanied by a picture of them kissing.

I threw up everything that was in my stomach when I got that last one. I couldn't drag myself out of bed for three days over that one. I didn't eat for three weeks over that one.

I slowly wasted away, my muscles atrophied, my bright blue eyes grew dull. I couldn't even manage to bend fire. The only thing I an still do is bend water into that rain that seems to follow me everywhere.  
Bolin stops by almost everyday with a big smile and food that I just throw up later. I put on my smile for that poor cheerful guy, but as soon as he leaves, he takes not only the silly movie he brought but all the superficial cheer he brought as well.

I switched to online school, only because my parents want me to get my high school diploma. Avatar or not, they said, no one gets by in life without a high school diploma. Everyday I would sit in front of my laptop for eight hours.

My schedule goes something like this: wake up at nine, school until five, shower, Bolin comes over at seven, leaves at nine thirty, I work on my bending for three hours after throwing up, and crawl into bed at nearly one in the morning. Repeat.

Sometimes I used to make vlogs to get some of my emotion out- until Asami found them on the internet and said nasty things about me and my videos. She even said she showed one to Mako and he laughed...

Bolin denies it, but he's always been an awful liar. He wasn't being completely unhonest, but not even close to honest. I made him tell me the truth- the truth that was worse than I even thought. Asami showed him the yearbook from last year and a yearbook preview for this year. The one last year had a picture of Mako... and me.. together. This year... It has a picture of Asami and Mako with me photoshopped in the background- crying.

I don't know or care how the yearbook got a picture of me crying. But insulting me flat out is something that no stupid girl is going to get away with.


	2. Chapter 2

I prepared for three days. My inner fire has been lit and no one, and I do mean no one, is going to stop me. I didn't tell Bolin what I was planning, but he knew I was up to something. He begged me not to be rash and I told him I'd do my best not to.

I did my best and it wasn't enough to hold back the fire. It has spread thoughout me these last few days. My preparations fueled the flames. I imagined melting Asami's little barbie face off, just to see what kind of ugly girl is underneath all that makeup. I'm not going to kill her or anything- I'm not THAT awful. I just want to get revenge. Make her stop saying things about me.

When the day arrived that I was ready to give her a piece of her own medicine, I texted her number for the last time. Meet me at Jherico at two. I felt stronger than I ever had, though I looked like hell. I tied my hair back in a ponytail and stood in the mirror. Heavy, dark bags had grown under my eyes from lack of sleep. My cheeks were a bit sunken in. My collarbone stuck out from my dark skin unhealthily. I looked terrible. But even as I saw that, I saw that my masculine muscles had receded, my waist was more defined, my legs were more shapely. I couldn't decide if I looked wonderful or awful. I put on my black skinny jeans and a white wifebeater. I hadn't even realized I still had this... Mako's shirt... I let no tears fall. Instead, I pulled on my boots, Threw my red scarf around my neck, and steeled myself for the cold December afternoon.

Jherico used to be my favourite place to go with Mako. It's a "club" for high schoolers and pretty much the coolest place in the world. We used to dance there and we woujldn't leave until half the night was over. Telling Asami to meet me there is a big slap in her face- the first part of my plan.

It's snowy days like this that make me glad that I can bend fire. No chilling snow gets into my boots, I don't need gloves to keep my hands warm, and no snowflakes land in my hair. I feel warmer than ever while walking the mile to Jherico.  
It's almost two when I sit on the ground behind Jherico. I check my phone, and no new texts have come in.  
"Expecting someone?" a girl sneers nearby. I look up and see Asami, not ten feet away, arms crossed in front of her chest. "You look like hell." I chuckle as I stand, smiling to myself. "What, you think I'm kidding? Look in a mirror. Then again, you might break it." I roll my eyes at the childish remark and start walking towards her.

"What do you think you gain, Asami, by trying to put me down?" My eyes narrow in anger. "What do you gain by trying to kill me? Nothing. All you gain is my wrath- something you couldn't stand up against." I break out in a sprint towards her, eyes glowing with fury and screaming at the top of my lungs. She starts to look nervous, having no defense against me. I throw icicles sharper than knives at her, but she manages to roll away from them. I cover my hands in fire and grab her arm. She screams in pain, but I've lost it.

"Let's burn away all the garbage and see what's left inside!" I shout, moving my other hand towards her face. She screams in fear and I smile until I get grabbed from behind my four hands.

"Korra! What are you doing?!" I yell in anger, struggling to get away- to get back to disfiguring that bitch's pretty little plastic face.  
"Let me go!" I scream, brushing my fire hands over the ones holding me back. The owners of the limbs shouted and released me. I scrabbled back over to the half-conscious witch and form an ice dagger in my hand. "Now you get to know how it feels to have your heart ripped out!" I raise my hand that held the dagger and brought it down, only to be shattered. I spin around, glaring insanely at the source. I saw Bolin and... Mako, looking at me fearfully. Their looks of terror brought me back. I looked at my fist over Asami's heart, and get up. I shove her into a snowbank and walk away.

I've lost all my friends now, I think as the boys run over to Asami, helping her out of the snow. I turn my back on them and start to trudge down the street. I let my fire grow, melting all the snow within a five foot radius of me. Bolin shouts something indistinct , but I ignore the sound.

"Oof!" Someone tackled me into the snow. "Let me go! I stopped! Goddamnit!" I struggled against the weight on top of me, but it was too heavy for my weak body.

"Stop it," a voice I hadn't heard in months said. He was calm, restraining me like the policeman he was. He snapped handcuffs around my wrists, although he knew I could escape them in a matter of moments. I stopped moving, stopped breathing entirely. If I moved and inch or breathed in at all, I would start balling my eyes out. I wouldn't. Not in front of this guy. I refused to look at him, but as soon as he dragged me to my feet, hot tears begin to drip down my face. I closed my eyes and gave up. Nothing matters anymore to me. Nothing at all.

He made me sit down in front of Asami on the ground outside of Jherico.  
"Talk. Both of you. Explain this whole mess," Mako demanded. Asami pretended to be innocent.

"I didn't do anything, sweety, she just attacked me." I lunged towards her, spitting fire out of my mouth with the goal of burning more than just a little bit of her arm, but Bolin caught me and dragged me several feet away from her, mumbling that he was sorry under his breath.

"You lying little bitch!" I shouted. She flipped me off and stuck a handful of snow on her charred skin, groaning in pain.

"I find it hard to believe that she would attempt to kill you for no reason," Mako said. My heart jumped into my throat, then plummeted into my stomach. Stop being stupid Korra... I tell myself.


End file.
